Friday, October 23, 2009

Tears, Fire & Oxygen


Yesterday, I had a meltdown.  Husband happened to be in the vicinity when it happened and was able to talk me through, as I took deep breaths and blinked my eyes--a lot.  You know, the trick to keep them from pouring out like fountains?

Passion is a force of contradictory measure. It can catapult you onto a blazing trail of infinite possibility or become so over-stimulating that it stops you dead in your tracks with a dear-in-the-headlights sort if fear.  And because passion comes from the soul, any work derived from this place, is considered by many to be soul work. So when dealing with such work and feeling that 100% is not being given to the cause, it can bring moments of upheaval and panic that only near-meltdowns seem to remedy or Husbands and friends and family members can encourage through. Yesterday, my Husband did so with tender-boldness.

Husband is known for being matter-of-fact.  He's a cut to the chase kind of guy--he shoots from the hip so to speak.  I can always count on him to offer up his opinion and I have learned to value his constructive criticism (almost).  He's not one to sugar-coat just because he loves you, in fact, because he loves you so, he'll tell you the truth if he feels you'll be better off for it, even if it hurts a little.

Yesterday during my meltdown, Husband listened to my brief scenario of frustrations and demanded that I pick up the pieces. "I've seen that fire blazing under your @$$ since Tim Perrin emailed you a few months ago, and you've brought your expectations to a new level," he said. "Don't go dropping everything you have ever hoped for, now, because I've told all my friends--my wife's a writer, and we're not in this to look like idiots."  Besides being called an idiot, he did a good job of knocking some sense into me in that no-B.S.-sort of-way that I love him for. And he didn't say it because his friends really care if I ever write a thing, but because he knows that to live my life fulfilled, I must write.

He also reminded me that when a fire rages, there is no denying it the oxygen to burn. Time and care are just a few of the necessities that will keep it carefully maintained and flourishing in the night, providing warmth to the soul.

I've also realized that when you're dealing with grand aspirations and the makings of dreams, life and choices appear much more fragile than before. It reminds me of the preface to 'The Alchemist' when Paulo Cohelo talks about the main reasons why people quit seeking their dreams. It's because they are afraid to lose them, he says.  I don't want this fire for the written word to go out on me; I've gotta keep tending to it.  And there is payoff in the work--I know I'll keep warm by the fire.

6 comments:

b davis October 23, 2009 at 11:46 AM  

Beautiful. & I am so happy that as you write about your journey, I too, am inspired to make things happen in my life. You are so gifted. Thanks for sharing.

p.s.
Nate is sounding a lot like Jared. So blunt. But sure can be just what we need at times.

Connie October 23, 2009 at 12:01 PM  

Cass, you never cease to amaze me with your deep thinking. I'm so proud of you once again with your beautiful, profound writing.

Keri October 24, 2009 at 11:59 AM  

You're writing is amazing. Every time I read your blog I wish I could express myself so eloquently. I'm glad you have someone in your life that can give you the goods when you most need it! :)

Britt October 24, 2009 at 3:12 PM  

You are an incredible writer Cas and your dreams are going to come true. Your passion is exillerating and one of the many reasons I love you. I'm so glad Nate is there to encourage and lift you up. Thank you for sharing.

Loredana October 26, 2009 at 8:24 AM  

Always make sure to feel that fire. I know as a writer myself that I am afraid to pursue my own dream sometimes because of fear of losing it. But I also know that the ultimate goal of my writing exceeds the fear and that's what keeps me going.

a little bit biased October 28, 2009 at 6:20 AM  

I love what Mr. Big said. Too funny! We all need people to support us and cheer us on when we're ready to throw in the towel. It's always nice to know your hubby is going to be one of those people. If we didn't get support from people that close to us then it would be a little lonely/frightening. Go for it Cass. You've got nothing to loose!

“You must write every single day of your life... You must lurk in libraries and climb the stacks like ladders to sniff books like perfumes and wear books like hats upon your crazy heads... may you be in love every day for the next 20,000 days. And out of that love, remake a world.” ― Ray Bradbury
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