Saturday, May 16, 2009

Wild Mind

I'm headed to sleep now, friends. The plan is to get up early and hit the lake for an early morning run--so early that I wont be side-tracked by the babies and all their early morning needs. Nate's agreed to Daddy-duty early-style.

I think I'll take Dandelion Wine to bed with me with hopes that my dreams will be as pleasant and summery as the book cover proclaims the novel to be.

My day was off from the start. I woke to realize that I had bothersome dreams--the kind that fit the profile of:

insecurity. sadness. confusion.

I always wonder what dreams like this are for and why they come to me?? Do you give much thought to yours?

Waking to such dreams never lends the easiest segue into my morning routine; however, I took to my journal to fight this small battle...

The door slams as he enters.
Floor cracking as he steps.
He makes his way to where I lie,
looming over my head;
robbing me of the pleasantries ensued throughout my day;
reminding me that it's not gone.
The broken remains are still with me.
When I wake,
I reach to gather them in solemn silence.

I'm not sure why I have such dreams? Why I need the extra reminder in my sleep that I've been broken before and that I am vulnerable, still? These dreams are stocked full of emotion yet hardly any words. I guess I could go on a dream quest for answers, but I am not sure what good it would do? It would be silly to expect that while my mind runs rampant throughout the daytime, it would lie down with me at night. Wild mind.

The day continued to whip me around like tumbleweed on a highway. Maybe it was him, maybe I. Maybe the dream, that certain question at dinner? What makes my heart ache being presented to me multiple times in one day. This girl can only take so much. It's been one of those achy, solemn, frustrating, sad days.

All while the sun was shining.


gigisthimble May 18, 2009 at 11:50 AM  

Sorry you had a bad sleep. I hate when that happens. I use to have dreams that would throw me for a loop and make me start questioning things in my life, but finally learned to not put any weight on them. It's hard, because I think some people do get answers through dreams, but then I also think that most times they are just random things all mixed together to make up something ridiculous. Just remember that when you're awake - that is your reality and that is when you can make the best judgements, decisions, feel true feelings, etc.

Hope you have a better day and I love your new blog background! I'm going to go check out shabbyblogs.

Keri May 18, 2009 at 11:58 AM  

LOVED reading all your new posts. I haven't checked in for a little while. Who knows what the dreams mean, but I'm sorry you've been having some bad ones lately. Hope you'll have a good one soon!

b davis May 18, 2009 at 12:25 PM  

Dreams? They can be so delightful & then they can be down-right torture.

I had especially haunting dreams when I was pregnant...

Anyway, I hope you are having better dreams & better days!

Cassie May 18, 2009 at 2:31 PM  

Thanks, ladies! Yes, the dreams have been better. xoxo

Erin May 19, 2009 at 1:41 AM  

You are amazing.

“You must write every single day of your life... You must lurk in libraries and climb the stacks like ladders to sniff books like perfumes and wear books like hats upon your crazy heads... may you be in love every day for the next 20,000 days. And out of that love, remake a world.” ― Ray Bradbury
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