Tuesday, September 7, 2010

God didn't create me to crunch numbers

I took off for a much needed vacation. 

I packed the kiddos and the necessities and headed back to
 the land of the Big Sky. 
My intentions have been to
breathe fuller, settle the mind and sleep longer. 
Boy, have I been executing these things wonderfully! 
It is beautiful here in Montana, and I've been enjoying some lovely company! 

I can't wait to show you some pictures! 

Whilst on this vacation and having endured many long hours of driving, including yesterday's trip 2 1/2 hours to Coeur d'Alene, Idaho for some roller coaster fun and a late night drive home again, the mind has been attempting to answer a couple of questions...

Why is it that in life we insist on running till our wheels fall off?  Who can be blamed?  Is it society's fault?  The new-age of technology that tells us that if there is a will, there is a way--to do it all...if we have but the right time-saving gadget?  Is it the longing for a balance between the life of a mother trying to be all for her children and be all for herself that encourages such self-inflicted obligation?  Is it wrong to want to expect so much from myself and for my family? 

It's all so mind bending, and at times heart breaking.

I recall simpler days when life was slow.
When my mind settled upon the questions in my heart, and I took plenty of time to sort them.
It's in my nature to study, sort and do so slowly. 
I don't want it fast.  I want to contemplate curiosities and revel in the beauty.
I can't just hang on hoping that when the ride is over, my hair is still nice and that I'll look pretty.
What's pretty is living the life I was intended to live--
then it doesn't matter how long the ride, how high the loops, how messy the hair, because,

I'm living authentically.

And that's the best way.

Off to sort out the rest,

cbm

3 comments:

mme. bookling September 7, 2010 at 3:35 PM  

Though I hear discouragement in this post, I also see the unmistakable presence of soul. That you haven't achieved this balance, that your heart breaks, that your hair gets messed, none of these matter...yes. But that you are asking these questions, YES. HELLS YES.

Keep fighting. You are such an important example for so many mothers, so many women. This includes me!

a little bit biased September 7, 2010 at 11:06 PM  

When you're a mother and a wife suddenly your wants and needs aren't the only ones that matter. It's a juggling act ~ trying to find balance in it all... Good luck doing just that!

Wish I were there Cass. Tell everyone "Hi!" for me!

Cassie September 10, 2010 at 11:05 AM  

mme-it is inspiring to know that you see the soul in what feels like the buried parts. It means a lot.

Ambs-you know what I am talking about when it comes to this balance and I am so grateful I can talk with you about it!

xoxo

“You must write every single day of your life... You must lurk in libraries and climb the stacks like ladders to sniff books like perfumes and wear books like hats upon your crazy heads... may you be in love every day for the next 20,000 days. And out of that love, remake a world.” ― Ray Bradbury
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