Free to Move

Since my time off, from crafting, Etsying, blogging, I've been refueled.

You don't know how much pressure you're put yourself under, or how much the need to do has compounded, until you consciously have to remove all the extra facets of life and want nothing to do with them for nearly four months.  With passions flying about, and a live-life speed at an incredible rate, my balancing act came to a crashing halt, and then I was done.  burnt out.  I haven't been able to touch a craft since the bazaar.  I haven't listed a new item in my Etsy shop since the holidays, or so, and I let my sponsorships end.  There is a little sadness that I let it get to that point. 

I wanted to believe I had a handle on it all, that I could run at 100+mph, do everything with top-notch quality, efficiency, timing, and offer the best in family, friendship, work, adventure--but it ain't so.  Not for me, and I'm okay with that.  Embracing the pieces and re-piecing together what's most important, has been enlightening.  The crash, is part of the test, I guess.  What changes is the answer.

Change Demands Change.

The idea that change demands change, recently came from a mentor of mine in business.  In the same hour, I heard her say, "the same wind blows us all..."

I don't know about you, but there are things that I'm after in this life--

happiness, fulfillment, financial future for my family and time--having the time to

create a home life for my family to grow that is positive and where leadership is being instilled in each one. 

This is where mentors and building alongside those who are after the same goals, passions, desires, and level of leadership come into play.  Having a front-line of excellence to aspire to and to gain wisdom from is hugely important.  In the last month or so, I've considered my mentors in the different areas of my life, and I'm so grateful to them.  They are mentors in family, business, leadership, advocacy, spiritual,

and they encourage me consistently to press in and go deeper in these areas.

 

Though, I haven't been full-steam in my creative handmade life, or in my advocacy work, I've been reworking the personal areas that have become tattered.

With more work and awareness, I know the progress-product

(because that's what we are--in progress)

will be far more effective, efficient, and made of a quality that far surpasses anything done during a mind-bending, soul-draining period of time.

The greatest part, is that I'm free to move--

free to go where the wind takes me;

and I'm again, seeing the beauty in the littlest things.

For me, that is of most importance.

You know?

 

It should be noted, that last night, I dreamt of a giant wave.

When I looked up the symbolism this morning, I wasn't surprised--

a wave represents a reflection of important life decisions;

a clearing away of old habits and a readiness to make a brand new start in a new place.

I'm coming full-circle--in reality, in the moment and even in dreams.

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While I Was Away

While I was away, I rested, read less and wrote sporadically.  I heard the rain more clearly, saw small daffodils in their early blooms, and ran the lake trail in sunshine just three short days after three inches of snow.

While I was away, I heard funny words sputter from the mouths of my babes tenfold, while watching them play baby, superheroes, husband and wife, and I watched him as he marched around the house in his two- sizes-too-small Spiderman costume, hands on his hips, saying, I'm not playing; Brooklynn wont marry me. 

While I was away, my three year old told me I was pretty, and has made it a daily event to crawl into my bed each day before sunrise.  Though he likes to be cuddled and snuggled and held, he hardly told me goodbye when he walked into his new classroom of six other 3 year old boys, just a few weeks ago.  He's so sweet, his teacher said, he's so snuggly.  This I know well, as I wake in the morning with my arm extended toward the headboard and a Spiderman clad toddler taking over my side of the bed. 

While I was away, I realized that having or doing exactly what I am, is exactly what my five year old wants, too.  Are you having Greek yogurt on top of your soup?  Then I want some, too.  I realized that when the boy receives a wood craft at checkout from the Home Depot cashier, that I must ask for two, because the girl believes the crafting world is her territory.  I realized that she likes to be where I am, standing on the stool as I cook, talking in my ear as I sit, motioning me to get out of bed as I wake.

While I was away, I took myself off of my anti-depressants.  I also decided to quit having a drink and no longer crave coffee three times a day.  Thankfully, I haven't an addictive personality, unless hoarding books, running and loving Jesus are addictive--I'm okay with that.

While I was away, I decided to not go back to school to finish my Masters in Teaching, but pour myself into my work in prevention.  Tomorrow, I meet with a man who has built a life around helping hurting teens, prevention and bringing an awareness to suicide.  I plan to ask him about his faith and how he shares it?  And I expect to see that in this work, the brink of devastation thick in the air, while hope rises.

While I was away, I considered shame and how debilitating it can become, how it takes lives and stirs them, shaking them upside down into a tornado of lies and fear, and how, if one can see even a sliver of hope through it, a rainbow awaits her on the other side.

While I was away, I thought about my book proposal and those few chapters that envelope a pain that I knew so familiar, and wonder how I can weave into it The Light?  While I was away, I happened upon this idea a small handful of times--"The more scared we are of a work or calling, the more sure we can be that we have to do it," and I cling to it, even in my baffled-ness.

While I was away, I grew spiritually, and have been working on the ways I can better lead.  I've considered my fear of public speaking and decided that I will no longer fear it, but embrace my unpracticed-courage.  I'm ready to be more, say more and do more, even if my nature depends a lot on solitude and not an ounce in the spotlight.

While I was away, I decided to not settle--not in this life, in circumstances, not in the plans I have for my family and the wants that I have for my children.  I contemplated friendships and what I must give to expect what I expect.  I have set my sights high and expecting a life anointed--a life where God unfolds his favor while we are guided and lead by Him.

While I was away, I lived, loved and grew; I was nourished and renewed and relieved. 

And for these things, I am happy.  For it is the times we are away, the heart grows fonder, the roots grow stronger, and the love runs deeper. 
Friends, thanks for allowing me to be away.

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Country Living & Reclaiming My Femininity

When Husband and I first started dating, he made the comment that I was always "dressed to the nines."  I remember this, because when he said it, I looked at myself and didn't see the way I was put together as anything extravagant, but the norm.  But for a country boy who wears camouflage and Carharts many days of the year, my accessorized outfits were something different than he was used to.  I have to laugh at what I wore on our first date to Motocross--pretty much bangles and a lace cami at a dirt convention.

Fast-forward six years and you get this:

It wouldn't be an understatement to say that some things have seriously changed.

Here is more proof:

1.)  I spend more time in my tennis shoes than I ever have in my life.
2.)  I have only worn jewelry about five times since we moved in. 
3.)  I haven't painted my nails in quite sometime, and often have dirt under my fingernails.
4.)  I've caught my first frog and garter snake for the kiddos amusement--not mine.
5.)  I'm now going on almost eight months since I had a haircut.  I don't know how it happened, but it did.

The truth is, I've been getting a wee bit concerned.  Just the other day, I asked my brother-in-law, what has happened to me?  He had no words.  I asked my girlfriend the same thing, and she blamed it on country living.  It is true.  It is true.  I've let country living take over my femininity and what I love about being a woman.

So today, I'm reinventing what's been lost for a while now. 

I'm getting ready to the nines, just like old times.  I'm making a hair appointment and painting my nails, and I'm going to leave the weeds in the garden for tomorrow and treat myself to iced tea and a magazine on the back porch.  I may live in and love the country, but I love all that goes with being feminine most. 

But you wont see me wearing wedges as often as I used to. 

It's still about comfort in the country--hence the flip flops.   

At least I haven't traded in my Sevens for Carharts?

Mom?  Did I just hear you let out a sigh of relief?

xx

It was a long, good weekend.

I high-fived Husband on Saturday around 3pm, when I realized and loved that we were still in our pajamas.  He was enjoying it as much as I.  This does not happen every weekend, in fact, I think this is the first that we didn't have any obligations since summer!  Then I grabbed my fuzzy socks, whipped up some hot chocolate for the children and we ordered in The New Karate Kid.  I survived most of the movie and only started dozing off at the very end.  Seriously.  I don't think it is in my blood to be able to begin and finish movies.  It is really an unfortunate thing. 

After the movie, Husband did some wire-work for me.

Boy, is it nice to be able to use in-home resources for things needed!

Thanks Husband!  Craft coming up!

Then we finished off the evening with some homemade BBQ chicken pizza.  Perfect. 

Sunday we went to Portland to go to REI, and a few other stops.  We are on a mission, and I can't yet discuss the details.  Then we returned home to climb back into our pajamas and finish off the weekend like real relaxing should be handled.

I even threw in most of monday as a time to mentally leave my shoes off and relax.  I found daylight savings to be just the ticket in helping me curb my up-late-sleep-in-late-routine that I found myself living while Husband was hunting. 

Now, I'm back to the grind,

and it's a big week...

The beginning of something big.

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wherein I divulge the sad truth

The fall weather has finally began to settle in on this quiet little town of Camas.  The rain outside the window is soothing, yet the matter of business I am here to discuss, is quite displeasurable.

I really don't even want to go here, but must.

Remember that Summer Wish List--

the great list of inspiring to-dos that were to fill my summer with heavenly moments and intentional pleasure?  Well, only two of the fifteen have been checked off the list.

They were berry picking and homemade ice cream, and they were accomplished on the same day! 

Horribly lousy, I know.

Because I don't like unfinished business,

I've decided to clean-up the list and re-focus my intentional living skills. 

 I'll be adding some new things and be giving them no particular deadline. 

They'll just be on the list waiting to be crossed off and be filed under

intentional~pleasure living.

So what's new on the list you ask? 

A Seattle Adventure {coming soon}.

Learn to play and sing our song on the guitar.

Try out yoga {again} for the sake of what feels like my 52 year old back.

Get a piece of writing published.

Track down the teacher who changed my life, meet with her, and give her a ginormous thank you

{she may be in another state, but it must be done}.

Go target shooting.

And finally,

Go big for our five year wedding anniversary happening this month. 

Actually, quite a few of these things are happening this month. 

Here's to turning over a new leaf in November!

Happy November 1st!