Thoughts on Three Things We Don't Like Talking About: Depression, Bullying & Suicide

I've been treading carefully, as of late, in my work as an Olweus Bully Prevention Trainer.  Hence the reason you haven't heard too much about that area of my life.  Last November, I gathered myself, presented myself brave and headed to Seattle to become one of 750+ Olweus trainers in the US.  It was a draining and emotional five days in the rainy city, yet I was determined to begin making progress in the area that held me down for nearly a decade. 

I was bullied, and it wrecked me emotionally for longer than I like to admit.  It changed me and I was lost in my own story for a long time.  Throughout my healing over the years, it has occurred to me over and over again that quite possibly my greatest work lies in this very sort of prevention--the main reason for Seattle and Olweus.  But just as life climbs and plateaus, so do emotions.

In the winter, I realized I had fallen into a depression.  I'd been avoiding this reality, as I was afraid of falling into such a state, after having dealt with a severe bout of depression when I was eighteen.  I recall the bleak, blankness of my life, the lack of tears, the sleep-filled afternoons; the frustration that I felt was my life.  I felt trapped and misunderstood.  I eventually pulled myself out (I think beginning to live my life without trying to please the ones I wanted to please, helped) and began to feel healthier, emotionally.

Last winter was different.  I can't pin-point for you where the root of depression stemmed, but it took hold and created quite a struggle.  I was tired, emotional, negative, and succumbed to many crying sessions.  I woke every night for hours on end and my heart literally felt heavy at the sight of another rainy morning.  I felt sad; I felt frustrated.

I made mental lists for all the reasons I may have been feeling so blue....

• our wreck of a new house
• the rain
• my low back injury which prevented me from doing the running that I loved
• being unsure of my work in writing and Olweus
• my Husband's business partnership splitting
• taking Brooklynn out of the preschool that she enjoyed so much because the drive was too long
• feeling the financial strains of Husband starting a new business
• all of the above making me feel insecure

It was a lot for me, so I had to take hold of it and see my doctor.  I took a step back from the the things that caused me to overextend myself, especially Olweus--the area that requires much clarity and emotional health for me to do the work, and for the last three months or so, I've been feeling myself again. 

As of fairly recently, I've been hit with a handful of reminders and nudges of the work that I so desperately want to do, but I know, I have to be feeling well to do such a heart-wrenching work. 

Did you see the 48 Hours special, Words Can Kill on Friday?  Then just a few minutes ago there was this headline on MSNBC,

 Teen Contributor to 'It Get's Better Project' Takes His Own Life

It reminded me of the recent news stories of two young suicides down at round lake, and when I looked the stories up, it led me to three more names of recent young suicides, bringing the total to five in the area in the since January. 

I'm worked up.  Especially at the thought of people like the administrator that I ran into the other week, who avoided me after our meeting on implementing the Olweus Bully Prevention Program into his school.  He was on board, supportive, told me to call the next month, and then quit returning my emails.  Hassling adults, or administrators, is not my interest, so our correspondence ended there.  But it was awkward when we found ourselves in the foyer of the Human Society together the other week.  I tried to not be seen, he called me by my middle name?, and we made quick small-talk about how we were supposed to meet the year before..."call me anytime," he said.  Yeah.

But then I read daily about my dear friend, Ann, who runs Jeremiah's Hope on Facebook, named after her son, who took his life five years ago or so.  I think of him, and how she works tirelessly to show the importance of this issue--this work, to each and every person she can reach, to tell them about this potential killer that is bullying.  I think of how like me, she doesn't like to public speak, but has a message to share that is so important that she's willing to speak with her voice and hands shaking, and I'm inspired.  I'm filled with hope and care for these kids.  I'm tired of it, and it is time to be part of the change.

Jeremiah Gettis

September is Suicide Prevention Month

Today is the first day of Suicide Prevention month. 
They say you can't begin to prevent suicide unless you are willing to talk about it.

Are you willing?

Are you willing to say no when you see others mistreated?

Your no could make a world of difference. 
It would for silent, Ayle Pollack.

Choose to Stand For the Silent.
You can read more about Ayle on Fox News.

Ten Years Later

It seems I blink and it's time for a new Little Things post!  I thoroughly enjoy documenting the little things in my life and it is nice to share them with you.  I can honestly say, since I began writing these lists, I've become more positive and grateful. 

I was thinking yesterday, as I talked with a friend about God and how He gives each of us gifts and talents, that I'm thankful that God has gifted me the ability to find awe and comfort in His little things.  Just ten years ago or so, I was a completely different person, battling depression and lacking hope.  My faith was different, too.  I wasn't sure what or how to believe as far as religion went, even though I grew up in a very religious family.  I wanted to know God, but to know Him, you have to believe Him and all He has promised for our lives--and I hadn't the first clue where to begin.  I had felt so sad and broken for so long, and believed that I was less for various reasons, that I kept everything that I'd learned about God at arms length.  How could it be--that He would love me, care about me, want the best for me?  How was I worthy of such unconditional love when I didn't even love myself?

Though I have much to say about the epidemic that is bullying, today it is about the little things, and the way God pours out his love in the surroundings and people of our lives.  The little things embody hope and happiness.  They are the things that make my life overflow in an abundance of inspiring and special moments.

Recent Little Things...

~My daughter's compassion for her father, and wanting to take care of him when he is sick.  Yesterday he had two wisdom teeth pulled and some other work done at the dentist, and before Husband returned home, Brooklynn had a bed made on the couch, an icepack, a heat pack, a cup and paper towels ready on the coffee table.  I think she even had the remote set aside for him!

~The surprise parcel of housewarming books from my dear friend, Ann.  I've spoken of her before, as I met her at the Olweus Bully Prevention Conference last fall. 

Her son didn't make it through his abuse before he took his own life. 

Even through the subject of bullying takes on a very personal meaning to Ann and her family, she is an ambassador of hope, and her kindness speaks multitudes of the very person she is.  She is a gift.

~The smell of campfire.

~A sunny Fourth of July forecast ahead!  It usually rains here in the great state of Washington on the Fourth.

Piecing together bits of our home and finding inspiration for the one-days...

~Camping.  I. need. a. camping. trip.

You too?

Would you like to join The Little Things series?

I host every Thursday and would love to have you join!

You can link up on my right sidebar, and please do visit the others who share their joy!

xx, Cassie

image via pinterest

Today is Pink Shirt Day

Today is International STAND UP to Bullying Day.

Since this cause is one that is near and dear to my heart,
and since my work lies in Bully Prevention,
I leave you with this. 

These kids are awesome.

To find out why this cause hits close to home,
feel free to read this, this and this.
I'll be back wearing my pink shirt.

-Cassie

YouTube originally seen on Poppytalk

I have a date

 with CNN for the next five nights.

Tonight begins the week-long focus on school bullying.

Last week, there was the college boy who committed suicide after his

sexual encounter with a man was streamed live online.

Earlier today there was this.

Both stories nearly broke my heart.

Ty Smalley was only eleven when he took his life.

His father said it right when he said,

"you want to know what bullying and suicide is all about,

you talk to the people and the family who it effects the most."

Because I have my own story of being bullied,

stories like these

make me so angry.

It bewilders me that children are so harsh, and the events are so continuous

and without intervention, that in some cases,

it leads to death.

For those who don't choose death,

many chose silence,

and the silence can be extremely detrimental, too.

In my experience, my silence built the foundation for major emotional distress.  

Because talking with my bullies directly about the hurt they were causing me felt out of the question,

and because I silently agreed to "forget about it" as soon as they went on to high school and the regular degradation they had caused ended, I never learned to deal with the emotions that it caused--effectively.

Instead it left broken emotions at my feet.

Sadness. Anger. At times Rage. Staggering relationships. Depression.

When bullies target,

it causes an immense amount of stress, loss of confidence and sense of safety.

Unfortunately, these things last far past the actual bullying itself.

years. decades.

It did for me.

You can

Stand for the Silent

on their Facebook page.

Watch CNN.

It's important.

Times here.