Wednesday, June 24, 2009

Broken Wholeness

I've been blog-hopping quite a bit lately. I'm on a quest for inspiring souls, the kind who leap, sing, and dance. The sort who hide nothing and bare their heart open. Vulnerable yet trusting souls; the very sort I wish to be.

How will I get there? I ask myself. Read more self-care books, re-connect with friends who I've become distanced from along the way? Meet with a therapist? Should I write until there are no more words coming out of me with hopes that the healing will somehow transpire between the lines? Should I take up yoga, learn massage, or pick up that old guitar and learn to play so I can sing those sad tunes? Should I say sorry, or force myself open to those who I am not close with, but feel I should be? Should I pray more often, or make a truce--between my heart and the parts broken?

Are our hearts ever whole? Or are they a Mosaic of the mess, the madness, the dreams, the love; cracked here and there, uneven and jagged--each it's own; incapable of being replicated or whole? Does each heart have pieces missing...given...or taken? Is there but one who hasn't suffered a break?

I hate to dwell on the aches and pains, but I'd like to settle the score with a few of them. How must one go about reclaiming those parts, when for so long, the underpinnings of her thoughts have been shadowed by years of false-belief and suppression; insomuch, that broken fragments have created a cozy home in her self-conscious and pay visit in her dreams.


mme. bookling June 24, 2009 at 11:51 AM  

I hate to always leave these advisey-comments, but I feel that authentically dealing with oneself is something I've made a life of.

Speaking mystically,
Know that if you have determined to be a courageous soul (pursuing healing at all costs, despite pain) then you're journey will organically lead you to places you can heal. You have to take one bite at a time. Issues will reveal themselves when you and god realize you are ready to face them. I strongly encourage NOT digging up issues just because you think they should not be there. Take it easy on yourself.

Pragmatically speaking,
The way to get to taking it easy on myself was through therapy and Thomas Moore's Care of the Soul. Not that any one person or any one author will change your life, but i have found both of these tools to bring me most lovingly to my most natural self.

I guess I just mean that you are not in charge of your spiritual growth. You can pursue your soul, and your healing will be found there. But only god controls each step.

Never be afraid to speak of the pain. It's just as beautiful as the you'll learn from Thomas Moore.


Cassie June 28, 2009 at 4:45 PM  

crm~ Thank you for your listening and the advise that you so freely give. I do love it. I picked up Care of the Soul yesterday and read about 40 or so pages last night. I am already wanting to hug my self and be more kind to that place--that inbetween place that Moore talks about. Stabalizing between the peace and the chaos is a tricky balance indeed, but an important place to gravitate toward for the betterment of the heart. I long for a time when the issues that I've been wanting to rid of can be embraced and loved. I've always felt that its been a duty of mine to fix the broken parts or clean up that mess, when really, those parts are just that. Nothing that defines me entirely, but just parts of my life that have brought me to another season. And the majority of each season, has been beautiful.

Much gratitude,

“You must write every single day of your life... You must lurk in libraries and climb the stacks like ladders to sniff books like perfumes and wear books like hats upon your crazy heads... may you be in love every day for the next 20,000 days. And out of that love, remake a world.” ― Ray Bradbury
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