Tuesday, June 2, 2009

Feeble Mind

I've been away from this desk a while for reasons that I was unaware would ever make me want to leave the computer alone and my journal unopened. Things have been tough the last few days, and I've been pushed to a place where the cynic that I never thought I was took over my mind. I haven't yet decided how to handle the unexpected that recently hit, but I am finally beginning to feel more like myself today. Now I sit down to do what my mind does best when it is full--write.

You know those days when the fortress comes down and all the power-players seem to be getting taken out one by one? And suddenly life presents the worst kind of battlefield--terminal illness, self-destruction, lovers choosing alcohol, soldiers unable to sleep because the bombs are too loud, burning bridges, families on the verge of crumbling, people inflicting pain because they've suffered too much themselves. It's a fragile place that we've landed in, and mine is a fragile heart.

Cynicism is just another means of condemnation. A realization shouts "the destruction has always been!" and the only refuge is a faithful heart.

Oh feeble mind, I think. Just stay feeble. The pain and cruelty is too much to bear a second time when trying to write through it all.

3 comments:

Keri June 3, 2009 at 2:24 PM  

Cassie, your writing is so beautiful. I wish I could express myself so well. I hope that whatever you're going through doesn't last long or keep you down. You're always an inspiration to me.

Erin June 4, 2009 at 1:53 AM  

Cassie. I am sorry you are feeling that way. I don't have anything to say except this "virtual hug" and let you know that I would love to talk or do anything that would make your journey easier and your burden lighter.

My situation is entirely different I am sure and I am sure I am being a baby and overreacting but I have to admit I have been feeling a similar melancholy lately. It kills me to feel and live in a defeated way. I keep pep talking myself and praying. You are in my prayers too. :)

Britt June 5, 2009 at 8:21 AM  

Hey C. You want to get together? I cherish you and you are an inspiration.

“You must write every single day of your life... You must lurk in libraries and climb the stacks like ladders to sniff books like perfumes and wear books like hats upon your crazy heads... may you be in love every day for the next 20,000 days. And out of that love, remake a world.” ― Ray Bradbury
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