Wednesday, August 31, 2011

The Ache Will Always Be Okay

There were various times while I was pregnant with my daughter, when the nerves would rise up and a heaviness would fall on my heart.  Bringing new life into this aged and spiraling world is a dive into the deep.  I've done the same with my son, but it is a different sort of ache.  He's a warrior of sorts, while my daughter carries a heart that I know is growing similar to min--fragile, contemplative, and yearning.

There were times when I ached for her as I sat in my rocking chair full-bellied, for the trials that I know will meet her in this life.  As a mother, deep down, I continue to ache.

I ache for the times when heaviness meets her in the morning; when her heart feels like it has torn and will never heal, when for a moment, disappointment will overshadow the dream, and when it'll take everything in her to get back up again.

I ache for the friendships that will take their plight, and for the struggle that is had while uncovering true friendship.  I ache for the times she'll feel misunderstood by me, or her father, friends or others, and for the ones her heart breaks, because their happiness, she carries in her heart.

I ache for times when the page turns, the chapter closes, and when the book slams shut, because I know, she'll feel lost in her own story.

I ache for the people who will come into her life and the ones that will go, and for the times it'll take everything in her to severe her ties and walk away, because she knows it is the right decision. 

I ache for the process she'll have learning self-respect and self-love, because often, it's hindsight that teaches the hardest and greatest lessons. 

But with the ache comes happiness, I know this through and through. 

If it weren't for that deep dive, I'd be sitting on the bank, kicking up water with my toes, never fully drenched in the fullness of the sea.  I'd never know ache, and I'd never know happiness.  I'd never know fear, and never know peace.  I'd never know the feeling of being alone or the feeling of love.  I'd never know the questions...or have faith. It would be a life without feeling, and that's not the sort of life I've agreed to live.

So I tell you, Brooklynn, embrace the ache when it finds you, and during the times it feels it wont subside and when it wakes you at 2am heavy-hearted and sad.  Turn on your lamp on your bedside table and take that journal into your hands and pour down onto that page; let the words write themselves and know that you are okay.  Pray.  Read The Word.  Read Rilke.

The ache will always be okay.   

Photo of Brooklynn lying on the lawn, Summer 2011

14 comments:

Sunny Rising Leather August 31, 2011 at 11:11 AM  

This is perfect.
Xo
a

Alana August 31, 2011 at 11:33 AM  

This is beautiful! I can imagine feeling the exact same way when I have a daughter.

Erin August 31, 2011 at 11:51 AM  

oh Cass...you r reading my heart as these sleepless nights with my newest daughter have left me wandering through all these thoughts and seriously considering if my heart, if her heart... can take it. I do not want one tiny scratch on that little body or heart. It kills me that I am unable to protect her from pain but like you I do know that deep down brokenness leads us to the one that loves us most and CAN protect us and it grows faith.

Beautifully said Cassie. And gorgeous pic of B.

AJ August 31, 2011 at 1:21 PM  

Beautiful and so true. Especially with girls, since I am a woman and it's so hard to know that they'll be hurt one day. But good to teach them skills to get through it, or to move on, and know that they're strong enough. I love this post.

Tina August 31, 2011 at 1:24 PM  

you write so beautifully and poetically with so much truth and love. so sweet.

resolute twig August 31, 2011 at 2:37 PM  

So lovely :)
Thanks for sharing it. I cant wait to be a mother myself and get a taste of this...
xo

Shanon at Vintage Sparkle Chic August 31, 2011 at 5:19 PM  

Beautiful! I have two little girls, age 10 and 8 so I can really relate.
Thank you for dropping by my blog and for your sweet comment!

~Shanon

clairemaxwell September 1, 2011 at 12:02 AM  

thanks so much for the comment on my blog! Much appreciated. You're my type of gal too. Woo.

Love your blog!

Dr. Marc Davis September 1, 2011 at 2:04 PM  

I got the part about sometimes getting lost in my own story. Very poignant.
Your deep introspection reflected outwardly toward Brooklyn's life was thought provoking, touching, and I also felt that you understand what being human is about. Thanks for encouraging me to Embrace the Ache. The ache has also helped me to enjoy the truly Happy Times which are so sweet!

Dr. Marc Davis September 1, 2011 at 2:07 PM  

I meant Brooklynn. (Forgot the second "n".)

a little bit biased September 1, 2011 at 10:02 PM  

That's beautiful and sweet. You're such a good mom Cass. B is lucky to have you.

Loredana September 7, 2011 at 7:57 PM  

Tears rolled down my face as the lump in my throat grew...

I'm going to print this and save it for Stella (save it for me)

Thank you for capturing all that I feel in this post!

Cassie September 7, 2011 at 11:28 PM  

It is so nice to write things that others find relateable. I appreciate all your feedback and kind words. You make writing and sharing even more enjoyable. :)

Gale, Ky quilter October 3, 2011 at 5:16 PM  

Beautiful. Thanking you through my tears . . .

“You must write every single day of your life... You must lurk in libraries and climb the stacks like ladders to sniff books like perfumes and wear books like hats upon your crazy heads... may you be in love every day for the next 20,000 days. And out of that love, remake a world.” ― Ray Bradbury
Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...

  © Blogger templates Brooklyn by Ourblogtemplates.com 2008

Back to TOP