The Ache Will Always Be Okay

There were various times while I was pregnant with my daughter, when the nerves would rise up and a heaviness would fall on my heart.  Bringing new life into this aged and spiraling world is a dive into the deep.  I've done the same with my son, but it is a different sort of ache.  He's a warrior of sorts, while my daughter carries a heart that I know is growing similar to min--fragile, contemplative, and yearning.

There were times when I ached for her as I sat in my rocking chair full-bellied, for the trials that I know will meet her in this life.  As a mother, deep down, I continue to ache.

I ache for the times when heaviness meets her in the morning; when her heart feels like it has torn and will never heal, when for a moment, disappointment will overshadow the dream, and when it'll take everything in her to get back up again.

I ache for the friendships that will take their plight, and for the struggle that is had while uncovering true friendship.  I ache for the times she'll feel misunderstood by me, or her father, friends or others, and for the ones her heart breaks, because their happiness, she carries in her heart.

I ache for times when the page turns, the chapter closes, and when the book slams shut, because I know, she'll feel lost in her own story.

I ache for the people who will come into her life and the ones that will go, and for the times it'll take everything in her to severe her ties and walk away, because she knows it is the right decision. 

I ache for the process she'll have learning self-respect and self-love, because often, it's hindsight that teaches the hardest and greatest lessons. 

But with the ache comes happiness, I know this through and through. 

If it weren't for that deep dive, I'd be sitting on the bank, kicking up water with my toes, never fully drenched in the fullness of the sea.  I'd never know ache, and I'd never know happiness.  I'd never know fear, and never know peace.  I'd never know the feeling of being alone or the feeling of love.  I'd never know the questions...or have faith. It would be a life without feeling, and that's not the sort of life I've agreed to live.

So I tell you, Brooklynn, embrace the ache when it finds you, and during the times it feels it wont subside and when it wakes you at 2am heavy-hearted and sad.  Turn on your lamp on your bedside table and take that journal into your hands and pour down onto that page; let the words write themselves and know that you are okay.  Pray.  Read The Word.  Read Rilke.

The ache will always be okay.   

Photo of Brooklynn lying on the lawn, Summer 2011

The Camas Vintage Street Faire

Now that the Nutella is cleaned up, I can share with you what I actually sat down to blog about...

The Camas Vintage Street Faire!

The day was beautiful and pleasant with many people walking the tree-lined streets of Camas looking for precious goods.

My table was only one of a few tables, while the rest were large booths.  When I arrived at 7:30am, the coordinator showed me to my space, and it couldn't have been more perfect--kiddie-corner from Camas Antiques (where there were two lines to the back of the store) and right in the middle of downtown, on the corner, between the side-streets of booths, and under the trees.  Believe me, the trees were perfect. 
I felt bad for the vendors who were in the sun all day.

Speaking of vendors, there were such lovely booths packed full of inspiration!  If only I had more time and money to shop that day!

The faire was so fun.  I mingled with all sorts of folks from all over the area, including Portland and other parts of Oregon.  I met a silver smith, a few of his students and "Mark Twain's 3rd cousin..."  I was so grateful for my friend, Kristian who came to help me and keep me company, and for my other friend, Brittany, who showed up with the prettiest bunch of yellow congratulatory flowers.  So sweet, and they are reminding me of what great friends I truly have.

I did well with sales and made good contacts for future orders, even a book club.  How fun!

Between the Lines goes Vintage School House
(on the street)

There was lots of vintage books, a few vintage writing tablets, vintage suitcases 

and vintage dictionary bunting--perfect for word lovers and teacher lovers...

 

Husband helped me make these crackled chalkboards.

He created quite the contraption for his assembly-line.

Selective vintage dictionary pages cover the backs of these chalkboard erasers
and are wrapped around the chalk. 
This sweet chalkboard set is a new addition to the products in my shop.

A few people wanted my globe bookends but I had to tell them, they sadly weren't for sale.

There were about 65 bookmarks hanging from my new holder made by Husband,

in books and in the desk drawers.  I wish I had a picture of the book page-lined drawers filled with bookmarks.

You read it!  Bookmarks 2 for $20 now!

I call the first round of these pillows, the pillows from hell. 
But they turned out cute!

And of course, there were apples. 

Can't do school house without the apples.

I had to tell a few people to get lost when they asked to buy my apple basket. 

Just kidding.  But the basket did stop a few people, and I jokingly said, "I'd have apples rolling all over the place" if they took it.

Now I'm looking forward to creating new products and the next opportunity to have a booth!

Thanks to Worthy Goods for giving me the opportunity to be in this year's street faire!

They are such sweet, classy and creative ladies.

Look for bunting, chalkboard sets and alphabet pillows and a few other things in the shop soon!

A Nutella Disaster

"Mom!  My hand is stuck!"

After my initial state of shock, I asked, "what are you going to do with that?"

"Go to bed with it."

This kid. 

He's cute, but he's been doing these things for three years,

and Husband wonders why I can't keep this house clean...

A Peek Into My Studio & Street Faire Preparations

Only two more days until the Camas Vintage Street Faire and there is still plenty to do!

Keep your eyes peeled for the new products from Between the Lines!

Little Things

There are always things to be grateful for, and it is so fun to wrap them up into a list...

A trip to the fabric store.

The fact that Asher has finally grasped that he cannot hightail it throughout the store and get himself lost.  He's realized that near Mama is best.  If only he'd not get sidetracked by toys throughout the store and take three times to come...

The stranger-grandma-sales associate at the fabric store today, who loved on my kids.  She even asked to hold Asher (of course he obliged), and she gave him a kiss on his head.  On the way out of the store, the kids were lagging behind me when I passed the stranger-grandma.  She asked, "where are the kids?"  I said, "aah, I'm just going to leave them here."  I didn't get a full reaction from her before they came toddling towards us.  She was thrilled to see them again, and I got a good laugh.

Speaking of funny moments, yesterday, while checking out at Walmart, Asher said to the male cross-dressing checker, "you look like a girl."  Let's just say the guy was extremely flattered, and Ash was onto something.

Our puppy, Jet, who is our watchdog (when he's not being retrieved by the neighbors driving up and down the "camel humps" as we call them.  He's been retrieved and returned about six times now.  Yes, we need to get him on a runner, and yay for cautious drivers).

That bowl of cookie dough ice cream.

My mom who is almost always available to take my call, answer my sewing questions and give decorating advice.  Yesterday, she took about six phone calls all in about a 3 hour span.  Thanks, Mom!

Being well on my way to being ready for this weekend's Vintage Street Faire in Camas.

My new business cards and postcards--they'll make my packages look much more professional.

My new vintage copper and turquoise necklace.  I think I may just shop vintage jewelry from now on!

One of my best friends who is only about one week away from opening up Nordstrom Rack, her first store, as General Manager.  I think a celebratory treat is in order!

Returning to a normal sleep schedule.  I love my mornings too much to sleep in. 

Blackberry picking with friends and the kiddos.

And finally, school beginning in under two weeks. 

Brooklynn loves her school time and I do too!

What are your Little Things this week?  Try and put them into a little list.

I'd love to get back to having you guys link in!  Let me know if you're interested!

I'll be here this Saturday!

I'm thrilled to be a part of the Vintage Street Faire in Camas this weekend!  I've been hard at work for the last week getting my table prepared, and I'd love to see you there! 

It's going to be a beautiful and inspiring time!

Things I Learned Over a Good Weekend

Naps are good.
Nutella is dangerous.
My kids aren't afraid to wrangle a baby goat.
Swinging high on a swing set will bring childhood flooding back.
Camas is capable of reaching 90 degrees in the summer!
And Top Burger is a perfect place for dinner when your house is 85 degrees.
Zucchinis can triple their size after one watering.
God wants us to ask large, ask big; go deep, go wide.--Pastor Frank
Wearing my hair in a messy bun all weekend is fun.
There is the most beautiful U-Pick Dahlia farm in the hills not far from our home.

You?  What did you learn over the weekend?

now is right on time.

Just the words I needed to hear.

25% off 25 Hours--SALE

25 hours. 

Good through Saturday 12pm Pacific Time.
Sunday 12am Pacific time.

Shop the SHOP here.

Homemade Iced Vanilla Coffee

It has been a long day of cleaning, doing dishes (yes, I'm still without a working dishwasher), and weeding. Because the front yard is looking a tad more inviting, and because I deserve a break every now and then, I decided to enjoy a quiet moment or two on the front porch with some homemade iced coffee and my book.  Plus, I felt it in my heart that Husband needed a cold one, as he's been working up in the shop sawing and welding or doing whatever he's up to that requires jeans with grease on them and dirt smudges on his face.  Yes, quite attractive.

Iced Coffee

4 cups fresh brewed coffee

1/2 teaspoon vanilla extract

1/4 cup white sugar

1/4 cup boiling water

3 cups ice

1/2 cup cream ( I used 1% milk today)

Directions

Refrigerate coffee until cool, about 30 minutes. Stir vanilla extract and sugar in the boiling water until dissolved. Refrigerate sugar mixture until cool, about 30 minutes. Divide the ice and chilled coffee evenly between the four glasses. Stir in cream and sugar mixture, to taste.

Mmm Hmm.

Until next time,

Recipe taken from All Recipes

Colors I Could Live With

This color combo has me swooning.
To me, the colors, chippy paint and intricate designs mixed with a bit of glamour, speaks 'Anthro Farmhouse.' 
It's exactly the style of decor that I want our home to have.

 Let's see what Husband thinks.

He's shot down a couple of my past color conglomerations, saying that they looked like "girl houses."
I have a feeling he is going to make this decorating process rather difficult. 
And trust me, his opinions suddenly came out of the wood works.

P.S.  Thanks so much for your comments on my last post,
 Why 'A Serenade For Solitude?'

I feel like I've begun to explain myself and this blog.

1) House of Turquoise
2) DECOR
3) M's Art Impressions
4) House Beautiful

Why A Serenade for Solitude?

Every now and then, I consider my blog title and wonder if it still 'fits.'  You see, when I started this blog, almost four years ago, I wrote privately.  I kept this little place for myself, and I wrote through the emotions--electronically.  Now, here we are.

For years, mine was a struggling soul.  I believe it had a lot to do with what I now call, my great defeat.  On top of those mountains, I grew up a melancholy child and a thinker.  My mother often said I over-analyzed, and my girlfriend once said, my mind was my greatest asset and my greatest weakness.  My poor friends.  They heard me go rounds with myself over issues that others could simply toss by the wayside.  My other friend said I was the most emotionally genuine person he knew.  A compliment?  Or was that a nice way of saying I was a basket case?  Most likely it was the latter, and I'm okay with it.  I've since embraced my years as a basket case.   

After my great defeat, I struggled with extreme insecurities and fear-based thinking.  Recently, it dawned on me that I may have been struggling with PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder) for years, unknowingly.  Looking back on the anxiety and fear that I carried crippled inside, it seems that it very well could have been the case.  I lived rattled.

Then there was solitude.

At first, I fought it.  I turned the music on, crowded myself with friends, drank too much coffee, cried a lot when I should have been having 'a good time,' and clung to relationships that were comfortable.  Eventually, the noise and distractions drowned out, and there I was with myself, with much to be addressed.

I can remember driving from school in Pullman, to visit my sister in Montana (a four hour drive), and telling my friend on the phone, that I was afraid of doing the drive alone.  I was afraid to be left to myself, to play and replay what was in my heart, in my mind. 

I was particularly broken that year, torn up from an on-off again relationship that dated back to my teenage years, with a boy who played a large role during my great defeat.  Finally, after a close decade, and not being able to come to terms with the fact that he didn't fully accept me for me when I was fourteen, nor at twenty-four, the book finally slammed shut.  God had had enough, and wanted me to quit trying to solve the equation that equated to nothing.  But He had more. 

Realizing I hadn't an escape route, I turned inward.  I spent more time in my basement bedroom, wrote more, listened to a lot of folk music and learned to be tender with myself.  I thought of God often, debated religion with myself, and let the questions ride and embraced the unknowing.  I agreed to be more patient with life.  Those were the days that I learned of solitude.

Getting to where I am now, almost six years later, is another chapter; another story.  In short, I can tell you, that I'm now full on the inside, much braver, only slightly worrisome and finally feel that I can be utilized in this life to help others.  I'm less of a basket case and live free and happily to my own song. 

I guess the subject of a blog title change is silly.  It's my life in a one-liner. 

Any questions?

xx

image via tumbler

Steals of the Weekend

On Friday, my friend and her tiny one and I, hit the country roads of Battle Ground, Washington for some garage saleing! It was a perfect sunny day, and I was without children to chase. Hoorah!  We had such a good time and I came home with some serious good deals. 

$1.00

I was more than giddy over this first purchase of the day.  Seriously, $1.00?

My birthday cake will look wonderful in it next month!

$1.00

A rusty royal blue tool box. 

It was to go in my Etsy shop, but I've since fallen in love with its hue.

$0.50

I felt the curviture of this frame was nice--but it will most likely undergo a paint job.

$6.00

Deal.  I've been wanting a rustic/industrial cubby system in my craft room.

And I'm loving how it looks on my table! 

 I also picked up a few other items--a yard of Spiderman fabric, a couple Nike t-shirts and a dress for Brooklynn, to which she then informed me, she does not want to wear clothes from a garage sale.  She's five.  Yeah.  And an 18x20 light turquoise frame for $0.50.  All to the grand total of about $17.00. 

Hooray for garage sales!  I'm now addicted.

On my way home I also came across two boutiques.  One called Real Deals that my Sis hits up practically weekly, in Missoula, Montana, and another called La Ti Da. 
I can't wait to venture back for some home decor!

Did you do any garage saleing or thrifting this weekend?

Any good scores?

Thoughts on Beauty.

"The real and proper question is why is it beautiful?" 

Annie Dillard

I was cleaning up remnants of Husband's 30th Birthday, when I saw these mason-jarred daisies.  I grabbed them by their stems, headed for the dirt, and stopped, with arms out, hovering over the edge of the deck.  

I studied the yellow centers, and followed the shriveled strands of what were once full, white petals with my eyes.    I observed the leaves which had long since succumbed to their scorched stems.  I looked them over and over, unable to piece in my mind why these weeds--invasive inhabitants of a yard growing wild, had taken my attention.  

Then, I realized, it was simple.

Parched and lifeless were they, yet, beautiful in the same.

I'm linking in to oh so lovely's photo challenge--day 14: flowers.