now is right on time.

Just the words I needed to hear.

Does Anyone Know Where November's Gone?

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I've just been minding my business, writing my tail off, chasing kids, keeping house, darting to studies, reading relentlessly, trying new recipes, and mostly enjoying life and all that it wants to throw my way. But, really? Is that any reason for it to already be mid-November? And I have sneaking suspicion that another winter of snow drifts and shut-down shops is on its way. Seems here in the NW we haven't grasped the reality that we, too, can get snow more than every few years, and we should know how to manage. But enough snow-talk, I can't even begin to think about Thanksgiving. Too much on my plate already, and it's not food.

Blessings to you from the rainy NW!

-CBM

Time to Re-think

FRIENDS,

Waking up at 4am is NOT the answer to finding a balance in my writing/motherhood/lack-of-time delimma. Even when my hubby was hustling about for his second-day-in-a-row fishing adventure at 4am this morning, my body refused to budge. I gave a split-second thought to the possibility of what I could do with three free hours before the babies woke, but in just another split-second I was fast asleep. Owning the most comfortable bed (that Nate and I still can't believe we have to ourselves) probably has plenty to do with it. So, today I will consider a new game plan. Thank you for lending me your thoughts on my writing/motherhood/lack-of-time dilemma. Your encouragement and ideas are great and I can't wait to try them out!

Happy Wednesday!

Determination & Discipline = Happiness

N set his alarm for 4am today so he could go Steel head fishing. After his alarm clock went off I began wondering how long it would take for him to throw off the covers and plant his feet on the floor. But before I could finish thinking this thought, he was up and dressing himself for a morning on the river. 4am is nothing for an outdoorsman determined to catch Steel head. N told me yesterday that he is giving himself 30 days to catch a Steel head, and until he catches one, his daily fishing streak will continue. If he catches one before 30 days he'll "cut back and make it a 3-4 days a week." I smile.

If there is one thing that I have learned throughout our marriage, it is to encourage N's fishing hobby. For a fast-paced, spontaneous, and slightly rambunctious guy like my husband, quiet is not often sought. For a girl who loves her solitude, I don't quite understand this sort of existence, but know that good things are happening when N comes home from fishing with his buddies (who are also very much like him) talking about what a great time he had. Not necessarily because of his friends being there, he says, but because it is quiet. He hasn't quite put the feelings into words, but I know that feeling that he can't get enough of. Serenity. Solitude. It is safe to say that I have no issues with N's time spent fishing, or his die hard determination. With birds chirping, the river moving, and fish jumping--It is a certainty that God is teaching.

I consider N's motivation and determination to succeed at catching a Steel head and compare it with my writing. I was so inspired by him that I even got out of bed at 4:15am today. For the last few days especially, I've felt frustrated with the timing of wanting to be SO many things 100%. Mostly though, it is the writer in me who feels confined. Too much to say in my mind and not enough time to see enough to its fruition. I am a mother, a doting mother at that. I am snobby enough that the thought of a regular sitter for my kids pains my heart and makes me yell "No way!" on the inside. But the urges to sit down and write and create never leave me throughout the day. When I am at the park with the kids, I think in descriptive sentences. While I am on the treadmill, spontaneous writing topics scatter my mind. When I am home and near my computer, I get anxious because the timing is not right. I have children who deserve the most undivided attention that I can give them. They deserve new experiences, to play A LOT, and to be stimulated. I'm struggling to find a balance between giving these things to my children and doing the same for myself.

Just as the past few days have gone, I sit here wondering what shall I do? Will I continue the same sporadic routine and attempt to get some writing in at 8am, maybe 2pm, and on occasion in the late evening? These windows of time have proven to be insuffice, as I look at a handful of posts and ideas that go unfinished and mostly forgotten about. Not the best writing regimen. I must come up with a better plan!

Plan of Action

1. Set coffee pot the night before.

2. Set alarm for 4am.

3. Write/read until the kiddos wake.

4. Attempt my normal daily routine with the fam.

5. Go to bed shortly after the babes.

6. Do it all over again.*

*This plan of action is the first in a series. Once I map out my writing goals and in what time frame I am striving for, I will re-assess and make a more precise plan. This will do for now.

Am I crazy? How do you balance such things in your life?

Cheers and Good Morning!

P.S. N just called to tell me he's on his way home and he had success! With determination and discipline he prevails!

Day 18--Clearing the Canvas

I began the daunting task of transforming the bonus room/playroom into a functional work/writing space. Our office will remain downstairs, but the room upstairs will be the space where I can do what I love and the kids can play.

It's a tricky balance to find--you know, using the small amount of time that I get for myself throughout the week to accomplish the projects, writing, etc. I have a few small windows of opportunity to get such things done throughout the day, and well, the rest of my time is devoted to my monkeys. I just want to reiterate that those windows of time that I talk about are smaller than small. Getting much of anything accomplished during this hour and a half or so is usually a rarity, as most times, it is spent showering and cleaning up. Some might say--well than make sure those kiddos are in bed by 8pm and get to work doing those things you love so much (other than raising babies of course)! Friends, it does NOT work this way. If it did, I would have plenty accomplished and much to show for where this brain takes me throughout the day. Instead, when 8pm rolls around, I am more ready for bed than my kids! One major contribution to my level of fatigue has to do with the running that I've involved myself in, but I can't stomach the thought of giving this up. Finding the balance in all this--is much too tricky.

So, the canvas. I cleaned, organized, and vacuumed the bonus room. Slowly but surely I plan to hang some curtains, put in a writing table and some bookshelves. I'll pull out those boxes and free the creativity that lies within. I'll plaster up the inspiration that hurries my heart and the words than console my mind,and there I will write. I'll work. I'll create. I'll feel. But most of all, I'll ENJOY!

-Christine Mason Miller

Time 8/11/2008

It’s so nice to be back in Camas, after our year-long hiatus living on the West -side of Vancouver. It’s so amazing how fast a year can pass! While I was at the park today, I got to thinking how frightening this very thought can be. It seems like just a couple of weeks ago, I was in one of my best friend’s weddings--when in reality it was almost a month and a half ago. Yesterday, I watched another close friend be married to her best friend, and before I know it, they‘ll be celebrating an anniversary. Nathan and I are coming up on THREE years! What’s scary about this is that if you’re not careful, you lose the time and years pass and then you’re still thinking about those things that you said you’d do or those things you want to do, but never actually started doing. On the flipside--you might just be livin’. Hopefully though, the way you’re livin’ is in all the ways that you’ve intended. Time has it’s way with running from you.

When I was younger, time was endless. I could play Barbies for full days at a time. I can remember driving with Alyssa to her dance lesson in West Vancouver, actually, and feeling like it was a full-blown roadtrip. Now, the freeways get me anywhere faster than ever, and it’s as though the drives in the car are getting shorter and shorter, since when I reach my destination there is always some form of chaos that greets me, and I’m wishing that I was instead, still driving. For example, my trip to the produce market today. It began with me scrambling to remember my list while trying to keep Asher from wailing, and ended with me juggling two bags of groceries, a diaper bag, a car seat, and a two-year-old with a fruit roll-up out to the parking lot. Almost every one of these trips leaves me feeling like I’ll never do it again--with two kids, but then I’m off to the next place the very next day, because I have to, or else I’d be stuck in the same place all the time, and before I’d know it the summer would be gone, and the kids would have been ripped off from the great weather, and time would have had it’s way with me, again.

One of my favorite quotes from Annie Dillard is “How we spend our days is how we spend our lives.” I guess I’m nearing the end of the time that I’ve spent thinking about what I want to do. I have my ideas and the inspiration is building--but I don’t want to just say “in time. . .” anymore, because it’s just starting to feel like wasted time, and I don’t want any more of that.