My Current Battle 10/10/07

I’m not sure that I even feel like writing right now, but I do feel confident that if I complete a post before Brooklynn wakes up from her nap, I wont feel like a lazy slug all day long. I am not sure what I have been going through lately. It’s not writers block, but something more along the lines of gray cloud, black void, and too much T.V. This is entirely depressing, and not any place that I want Brooklynn to be learning her first words. My Mom says I’ll get through this stage soon enough, once I get through my first trimester, but it seems that I began struggling in this pit of self-inflicted boredom before I found out I was pregnant again.

After having my daughter, my battle to balance life in it’s fullest was put to the ultimate test. Quickly, my type-A personality had to give in and just give it up. No more picking up the bedroom before bed, penning regular entries in my journal or getting a thrill while crossing off completed items on my "to-do" list. Since our recent move, all my creative interests remain packed in boxes, some lost in our garage and closets amidst the sea of cardboard, frumpy prom dresses and makeshift furniture pieces that I drug with me throughout my college years and ended up here. All around I feel messy, disheveled and odd. My attempt to balance my family, friends, faith, and creativity is a sad one and I am frustrated that it’s been going this way for this long now.

The other day I came across Paulo Cohelo’s, The Good Fight, and it lit an ember in my soul. So after one more inspirational reading, I'm saying cheers to the good fight. It’s time to start waging the battle within.