A Night of 1,000 Emotions 3/10/2008

Brooklynn is growing up incredibly fast. She is comprehending and retaining so much and has even started putting her first sentences together. Last night while we were reading, she pointed out a “sad” face so then I showed her a “happy” face. I was very surprised this morning when I overheard her playing and saying “happy doggy, happy doggy, happy doggy. . .” There is nothing quite like the awe and wonderment that she brings to me at such a young age. While she keeps me busy, she also makes me very, very, happy. I wouldn’t trade this time with her for anything in the world.

It sinks in more and more each day that in less than nine weeks I’ll be holding a new life in my arms. However, there are many external factors that make thinking about this overwhelming, such as: being on the verge of relocating but not sure when--(not a good feeling for a soon-to-be-nesting pregnant woman), already knowing how it feels to have no other choice but to change everything about your life so that it can better revolve around a newborn, the chance of baby blues, the likelihood that I’ll feel like a madwoman with two kids, no time for my hobbies, worry that the quality of one-on-one time that I’ll be able to give to Brooklynn wont be enough, living away from my family and friends who are a huge support network for me, living in a hick town--(you know you’re not even close to being that little bit of country that you thought you were when you go to visit the place and you just feel odd), but worse, moving to a hick town where all my husbands buddies have moved to, too.

But besides the external factors and the worry, I look forward to bonding with this little life in me. Having my first child opened another world, so I am excited to do it again. It wasn’t until I began to revisit all the firsts that Brooklynn was experiencing, that I realized life isn’t as complicated and stressful as I had been believing. With her unconditional love and sweet spirit, she brought refuge and a sense of relief to me. And God’s plan unfolded without a hitch. I really believe that He wanted me to slow down, re-focus my energy on someone else, and taste this part of life. He knew it would change me, and make me a better me. And I’d say that it sure has.

Isn’t it funny where my emotionally unstable mind led me through this post? Happy, worried, annoyed, excited, pleased. I guess this is what Nathan’s talking about when he claims I’m crazy right now. Whatever.